17 sistemas práticos de economia de tempo para os pais

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Criança: Bem-vindo ao podcast da minha mãe.

Este episódio é patrocinado pela Four Sigmatic … a razão pela qual estou em cogumelos (o tipo legal) todos os dias. Eles fazem uma grande variedade de produtos com infusão de cogumelos superalimentados, desde cafés e chás a elixires e até chocolate, que é infundido com dez cogumelos! Tenho uma prateleira na minha despensa apenas para quatro produtos sigmatic e os mantenho praticamente à mão. Alguns favoritos atuais… meus filhos adoram o cacau com infusão de reishi, e eu amo que ele os ajude a dormir! Também gosto muito da mistura de 10 cogumelos que contém todos os meus favoritos, como chaga, cordyceps, reishi e até meshima. Acrescento isso ao café, chá ou smoothies para obter uma dose diária de cogumelos. Como ouvinte deste podcast, você pode economizar 15% em foursigmatic.com/wellnessmama e usando o código “wellnessmama”

Este podcast é trazido a você pelas ervas Gaia e seu xarope de sabugueiro preto! Sou um grande fã de xarope de sabugueiro há anos e o deles é o melhor preparado antes que eu tenha encontrado, a menos que você queira fazer o seu próprio. Você pode experimentar por si mesmo por que é o xarope de sabugueiro preto orgânico favorito da América! É o primeiro xarope de sabugueiro preto orgânico mais vendido nos EUA. Nesta época do ano, é um grampo de armário de remédios e a estação imunológica essencial. O sabugueiro ajudará sua família a se sentir bem com o delicioso elixir imunológico amado por adultos e crianças. É certificado como orgânico – este poderoso xarope concentra o suco de 14,5 gramas de sabugueiro em uma única colher de chá, por isso é altamente potente. É feito com apenas quatro ingredientes limpos de alimentos integrais e é vegano, sem laticínios, sem glúten e sem soja, tornando-o seguro para a maioria das pessoas. O xarope de sabugueiro preto é seguro para toda a família e é formulado para adultos e crianças com 1 ou mais anos de idade. Você pode economizar muito em Gaia Herbs acessando gaiaherbs.com/wellnessmama e use o código WELLNESSMAMA no checkout com 20% de desconto em sua primeira compra

Olá, e bem-vindo ao “The Wellness Mama Podcast”. Sou Katie, do wellnessmama.com, e esse episódio sou apenas eu. E estou respondendo a uma das perguntas mais frequentes on-line, que é: “Como faço para fazer tudo isso e equilibrar trabalho, família e autocuidado e todas as demandas que enfrentamos na vida moderna?” Então, hoje, eu vou orientá-lo através dos meus sistemas e como faço isso. Mas há algumas coisas que quero mencionar e que vocês entendem antes de entrarmos.

Primeiro, e mais importante, não faço tudo, nem todos os dias e nem chego perto. Então, eu escrevi sobre muitas coisas no blog. Existem 1.300 postagens no blog, e não há como eu fazer tudo isso todos os dias. São 10 anos combinados de conhecimento e experimentos, e eu nem faço todas essas coisas o tempo todo.

Então, divulgação completa, alguns dias minha casa é um desastre completo. Houve dias em que comemos cereal Magic Spoon no jantar. E eu tentei várias experiências ao longo dos anos. Eu escrevi sobre muitos deles, mas definitivamente não mantenho todos eles todos os dias. Encontrei a regra 80/20 que funciona para mim e mantenho com base nisso. Eu vou falar mais sobre isso mais tarde no episódio. Mas eu só queria começar dizendo que não faço tudo, e nunca quero ser um padrão que alguém vê nas mídias sociais e depois se sente mal por comparar.

Número dois: na vida moderna, como mães, especialmente, mas como pais em geral, enfrentamos muito mais demandas do que os pais no passado, e é preciso mais esforço para gerenciar tudo. E é importante lembrar que não estamos falhando porque parece mais difícil do que para nossos pais. Na verdade é mais difícil. Eu acho que existem algumas coisas que podemos fazer para torná-lo menos, mas na verdade é mais difícil do que costumava ser para nossos pais.

Então, acho que podemos usar muitas vantagens da tecnologia e usar sistemas para facilitar as coisas, se formos intencionais sobre isso, e vou compartilhar muitas das minhas dicas para isso hoje. Mas reconhecer e entender que há mais para gerenciar na vida moderna do que as gerações anteriores tiveram que lidar.

Número três, antes de começarmos, você deve entender que sou absolutamente nerd e uso matemática para resolver problemas na maior parte da minha vida, incluindo muitas das coisas sobre as quais vou falar neste podcast. Peço desculpas antecipadamente se você não é uma pessoa de matemática, mas as idéias ainda funcionam mesmo que você não se importe com o lado da matemática. Então tenha paciência comigo nessa parte.

E, finalmente, esses sistemas são o que funcionam para mim e minha família, e estou compartilhando exemplos práticos e tentando detalhar o máximo possível, na esperança de que isso também seja útil para você. Não é uma maneira de ser como um padrão preto e branco para qualquer outra família, e certamente não é para ser um julgamento dos sistemas de outras pessoas ou de como eles gerenciam sua vida. Você pode acabar com algo completamente drasticamente diferente do que eu criei, e isso não está bem. Fantástico.

Eu acho que uma das coisas que nós, como pais, precisamos mais agora que nossos filhos precisam ver é um exemplo de como as pessoas podem ter diferentes visões ou maneiras de fazer as coisas e ainda assim se entender e se tratar com respeito e bondade. Imagine o quanto todos os nossos níveis de estresse mudariam se todos fizéssemos isso em nossas interações pessoalmente e principalmente online. Portanto, nada disso deve ser um julgamento de quem faz algo diferente. Estou apenas compartilhando meus sistemas e espero que eles sejam partes disso que possam ser úteis para você.

Eu acho que existem alguns pontos em comum que podem ser úteis para se manter atualizado sobre as demandas da vida moderna e todas as coisas que enfrentamos. Então, vou basear essas próximas 17 dicas nisso e espero que elas também sejam úteis para você.

Então, com isso dito, dica número um, comece com o princípio 80/20 ou com a ideia de uma dose mínima eficaz, e esse é o princípio de Pareto, se você já ouviu falar disso. Também é conhecida como regra 80/20, ou acho que também é chamada de lei dos poucos vitais ou, em matemática, o princípio do fator escarsidade.

E, resumindo, significa basicamente que em muitas áreas diferentes, aproximadamente 80% dos efeitos vêm de 20% das causas, ou 80% dos resultados vêm de 20% das entradas ou das atividades. E isso é usado no esporte, e há exemplos disso na economia. É usado na computação. Mas também achei extremamente útil no gerenciamento da vida moderna, especialmente na maternidade. De todas as pessoas no mundo que eu sinto que precisam ser mais eficientes, as mães estão com certeza no topo da lista. Eu sempre disse que as mães são as pessoas mais ocupadas e eficazes do planeta e que, se você pode dar mais largura de banda às mães e reduzir a sobrecarga, elas podem mudar completamente o mundo. Então, imaginei que os melhores desempenhos nos negócios estão usando isso, economistas, matemáticos e até equipes esportivas que eram coisas valiosas que as mães também poderiam usar.

Sabe, há uma piada de que a evolução não deve funcionar porque as mães ainda só têm duas mãos, e acho que realmente precisamos de clones ou pelo menos dois cérebros para gerenciar tudo. Mas sinto que manter essa regra em mente me ajuda a focar nas coisas mais importantes em todas as áreas que eu sou responsável por gerenciar e ainda sinto que estou fazendo a maior parte delas sem deixar cair os pratos ou sentir que Estou deixando as coisas caírem pelas fendas. Então, eu me pego constantemente aplicando essa regra a vários aspectos da vida, e isso me tornou muito mais eficiente. Mesmo começando a pensar nos termos de 80/20 e gostar de quais são os 20% das coisas que eu preciso fazer e me concentrar mais, isso diminuiu o estresse dos outros 80%. Isso estará presente em todo o podcast e darei exemplos práticos de como você pode usá-lo em vários aspectos de sua vida.

Portanto, a dica número dois seria simplificar os alimentos em sua casa. E, como mencionei na última dica, tendemos a comer os mesmos 20% das refeições cerca de 80% das vezes. E, percebendo isso, pude começar a planejar isso e percebi que podia automatizar boa parte de nossas refeições entendendo isso. Portanto, isso reduz a necessidade de planejar refeições. Isso também simplifica as compras, porque eu sei com antecedência que posso agilizar a preparação de alimentos, e isso realmente acaba com as suposições mentais do planejamento de alimentos em geral. E isso também ajuda a manter a despensa abastecida e também significa que, quando viajo ou as coisas ficam realmente ocupadas, alguém também pode preencher partes desse sistema.

Então, em um nível prático, aqui estão algumas das maneiras pelas quais implemento isso. Eu mantenho uma lista e guardo meus grampos de despensa mais comuns enquanto nós … 80% de nossos grampos de despensa vêm de coisas como Primal Kitchen, palitos de carne Paleovalley, atum e sardinha do Thrive Market, outros condimentos, itens a granel, nozes, arroz, quinoa, etc. Eu posso realmente colocar uma lista daqueles nas notas do programa para que você possa ver o tipo da minha lista constante de pedidos. Mas, em vez de tentar reinventar a roda toda vez, sei mais ou menos o que são essas coisas e com que frequência e com que rapidez passamos por elas. Para que eu possa configurar pedidos automáticos para algumas dessas coisas ou pelo menos apenas ter uma lista no meu telefone. Uso o aplicativo Notes constantemente para que, na hora de fazer o pedido, saiba onde tudo está em um só lugar.

Também crio um plano de refeições 80/20 e posso compartilhar mais detalhes sobre isso em um podcast futuro também. Mas a versão curta é que, para cada uma das estações, eu me concentro nas coisas que estão na estação e menos caras. Então, basicamente, os legumes que estão na estação na primavera, verão, outono e inverno, e eu planejo usá-los porque, em geral, sei que eles são menos caros quando estão na estação e também mais densos em nutrientes. E me concentro apenas em refeições que sei que toda a família gosta de serem fáceis de preparar, baratas e densas em nutrientes. E com esses critérios, encontro nossas 14 principais refeições para cada estação e só precisei fazer isso uma vez porque, uma vez feito, é repetível.

Então, depois de fazer as 14 refeições para cada estação, separo-as em dois menus semanais e crio listas de compras para cada uma. Eu uso o aplicativo Real Plans e colocarei um link nas notas do programa, pois é extremamente útil. E você pode inserir suas próprias receitas e gerar automaticamente uma lista de compras que você poderá, se já tiver ingredientes, desmarcá-las. Você pode adaptá-lo ao tamanho da sua família ou a todos os tipos de coisas. Depois imprimo os planos de refeições de duas semanas juntos e a lista de compras, coloco-os em mangas pequenas e meio que coloco-os em um caderno, para que estejam na cozinha. Então, em outras palavras, se isso foi confuso por um segundo, eu faço dois planos de refeições de uma semana para cada estação.

Portanto, no inverno, ele pode se concentrar em vegetais como couve e verduras, batatas doces e vegetais de raiz e vegetais crucíferos, e para cada estação, existem vegetais diferentes. E então alternamos essas semanas. Nós alternamos entre esses dois planos de refeições de uma semana. Portanto, não comemos nada mais do que uma vez a cada 14 dias. Portanto, há muita variedade embutida, e também porque é pré-planejado, qualquer pessoa pode lidar com as compras e qualquer pessoa com a culinária. Então, se as coisas estiverem ocupadas, meu marido poderia cuidar das compras se ele precisasse, ou eu poderia simplesmente pedir as compras online. Eu sei o que preciso com tudo em um só lugar. E como as receitas já estão impressas, as crianças podem entrar e preparar as refeições às vezes, ou eu já as tenho lá, ou se os avós estão ficando enquanto estamos viajando, é fácil para outra pessoa entrar e lidar com o problema. sistema.

Também passo 20% do tempo fazendo 80% dos alimentos com cozimento a granel. E não faço isso toda semana, mas principalmente em semanas ocupadas, tento priorizar isso. Com frequência, dobrarei as receitas para sobrar o café da manhã ou o almoço ou apenas bloqueará algum tempo no fim de semana e prepararei o máximo possível durante a semana. E meus filhos costumam fazer café da manhã e almoços por conta própria, e eu realmente me concentro apenas em jantares em família. Mas, se puder, dobrarei as receitas e, assim, elas terão no café da manhã ou no almoço, sem que elas precisem fazer outra coisa. E eu sei que sempre há opções densas em nutrientes disponíveis. Então esse é o tipo de sistema alimentar. Mais uma vez, farei um podcast inteiro sobre isso no futuro que falhará e depois compartilharei todos os detalhes de como isso realmente se parece, porque foi uma grande economia de tempo e dinheiro. Mas é realmente tão simples quanto começar com esse tipo de sistema, e então você só precisa criar esses quatro planos de refeições com as duas semanas alternadas, e você tem um plano de refeições repetível para o ano.

A dica número três seria estabelecer sistemas de roupas em casa. Essa é outra área em que você realmente pode aplicar o princípio 80/20. Se você pensar bem, muitos de nós vestimos os mesmos 20% de nossas roupas cerca de 80% das vezes. Não sei você, mas isso é especialmente verdade com meus filhos. Os mais jovens, especialmente, têm esse tipo de quatro ou cinco roupas favoritas que apenas usam repetidamente, e todo o resto da gaveta era praticamente ignorado. Então, sabendo disso, percebi que reduzir a desordem mental e física era uma área que eu poderia simplificar facilmente.

Portanto, se fizermos isso para todos na casa, há menos na casa que precisamos gerenciar. Há menos roupas e menos coisas acabam no chão. Tenho postagens de blog sobre guarda-roupas de cápsulas para crianças e também tenho implementado isso comigo. Mas você pode encontrar essas postagens online. Basta pesquisar no armário de cápsulas do Google Wellness Mama ou verificar as notas do programa para realmente mostrar exemplos específicos de como isso é para meus filhos.

Mas é realmente tão simples quanto ter quantidades menores de roupas que são relativamente fáceis de combinar e que combinam entre si e que cabem facilmente em uma gaveta e que as crianças são capazes de combinar. Mas, para mim, isso é algo que já estive … especialmente porque gosto muito de mudar de tamanho e tive que me livrar da maioria das minhas roupas, de qualquer maneira tento simplificar porque preciso comprar roupas novas. Então, eu só tenho dois jeans que eu absolutamente amo, e é melhor do que ter muito mais jeans que geralmente se encaixam ou que não são tão confortáveis ​​e eu geralmente não uso. E assim, eu apenas tentei simplificar isso também.

Eu acho que isso é diferente para cada família e, certamente, dependendo do clima, você pode precisar de muito mais roupas ou tipos diferentes de roupa ou se você viaja muito ou seu clima muda muito. Mas, em geral, eu meio que tento me ater ao mesmo tipo de sistema de ter … por temporada, aquelas roupas simples que todo tipo de coisa combina e apenas minimizam porque eu … quero dizer, todos nós temos muito mais roupas normalmente do que nós realmente precisa.

Dica número quatro. Eu queria fazer este no início do podcast porque acho que as mães tendem a ignorar muito, que é trabalhar com autocuidado regularmente. E essa é outra área que é completamente diferente para cada pessoa. Mas a maioria dos pais, e principalmente as mães, estatisticamente, não dormem o suficiente e não temos tempo suficiente para cuidar de si. E eu realmente odeio essa palavra porque acho que ela se tornou uma espécie de … é apenas ambígua e se aplica a muitas coisas diferentes que talvez trazem ideias de tomar banho de espuma, o que eu pessoalmente nunca tenho tempo para fazer.

Mas acho que para as mães, muitas vezes, isso parece um item impossível na lista de tarefas, porque todo mundo tem prioridade antes de nós e temos muito o que gerenciar. Felizmente, todos os sistemas deste podcast ajudam a criar tempo para facilitar isso. Mas também sei que durante os anos mais jovens da vida de nossos filhos, pode ser realmente difícil encontrar tempo para cuidar de si mesmo.

Mas, como outras áreas, se conseguirmos identificar os 20% das coisas que são mais importantes para nós no autocuidado, então essas 20% das coisas que reduzem mais o estresse ou que parecem nos reabastecer mais, então poderíamos nos concentrar em essas coisas quando realmente temos tempo. Então, para mim, pessoalmente, como exemplos, é como entrar na sauna quase todos os dias sempre que posso, movimentando-me mesmo por um curto período de tempo. Não estou dizendo exercício. Acho que nunca vou ser do tipo que se exercita por uma hora por dia. São coisas como caminhar ou correr do lado de fora por um minuto ou pino, esse tipo de coisa. Apenas trabalhar em movimento regularmente faz uma grande diferença para minha mentalidade.

Além disso, passar um tempo de qualidade com meu marido e amigos íntimos faz uma grande diferença na minha mentalidade. E, é claro, a comunidade e muitas outras coisas benéficas também estão embutidas nisso. Portanto, é autocuidado, mas também é benéfico em outros aspectos da vida. Tomar certos suplementos tem sido realmente útil para mim, apenas para garantir que eu tenha a resiliência física e mental necessária para gerenciar tudo.

E já mencionei isso antes várias vezes no podcast sobre a luz do sol da manhã. Portanto, esse foi o conselho do meu médico anos e anos atrás, quando fui diagnosticado com o Hashimoto para passar algum tempo fora o mais rápido possível depois de acordar. Isso é realmente importante para o ritmo circadiano. Vejo uma diferença no meu sono e depois nos meus níveis de estresse, e é hora de sair normalmente com meu marido ou filhos. Portanto, também é hora da comunidade. Então, essas são as minhas coisas que tendem a priorizar e que noto efeitos em outras áreas. Eles serão diferentes para cada pessoa, mas se você puder identificar as coisas que mais lhe dão energia e te encher mais, e você pode até trabalhar em pequenas partes delas durante o dia, poderá ver uma grande diferença em sua mentalidade.

Então, dica número cinco, minimalismo realista em nossas famílias. Assim, como mencionei na comida, na roupa e até no autocuidado, também costumamos usar os mesmos 20% de coisas em nossa casa na maioria das vezes. E, por exemplo, as crianças usam a mesma porcentagem de 20% dos brinquedos na maioria das vezes. Com o tempo, usei muitos sistemas para minimizar e reduzir as coisas, e acho que existem várias abordagens diferentes que funcionam. Existem sistemas Marie Kondo. Existem todos os tipos de sistemas de organização.

Para os brinquedos das crianças, quando implementei isso, coloquei a maioria dos brinquedos no sótão e só os devolvi, a menos que eles pedissem um específico. Eu tento reduzir dois tipos de brinquedos que podem ir todos juntos e ser facilmente armazenados como Legos e evitar comprar brinquedos de uso único. E quando começamos a fazer essa troca, eu literalmente coloquei a maioria dos brinquedos no sótão um dia. E se eles pensassem: “Ei, mãe, você viu alguma coisa?” Eu iria encontrar esse brinquedo específico, mas a maioria das coisas que eles nem sentiam falta. E manter as coisas no sótão por alguns meses me deu tempo para encontrá-las, se houvesse algo que era realmente importante para elas, sem apenas se livrar de alguma coisa e elas sentirem falta dela. Fomos capazes de nos livrar de tantas coisas assim.

Mas algumas dicas específicas, porque acho que se você minimizar muito rapidamente ou drasticamente, poderá meio que perturbar o applecart em uma casa. Então eu acho que é importante dar o exemplo nisso. Portanto, não comece jogando fora todas as coisas das crianças ou se livrando delas instantaneamente. Por isso usei o sótão. Mas também acho importante dar o exemplo e nós o fazemos primeiro. Portanto, antes de começarmos a jogar fora todas as coisas que eles amam, precisamos fazer isso por nós mesmos e mostrar o exemplo e também reduzir nossa própria desordem mental ao fazer isso. Então, para mim, comecei com nossos próprios armários e com meu quarto, e isso parecia administrável. E não precisava envolver as crianças, mas conversava com elas sobre o processo e as deixava ver a diferença que fazia antes de começar a lidar com as coisas deles. E então eu os deixei envolvidos quando começamos a nos livrar de suas coisas.

Além disso, achamos útil ter uma pequena estação de doação em nossa casa. Então, isso é basicamente apenas uma caixa grande, uma sacola no armário, que é um lugar onde as crianças sabem e sabemos que podem colocar coisas. É aqui que as pessoas podem colocar tudo o que não desejam ou precisam, e também é uma zona livre de julgamento. Acho que tentei não fazer isso, mas é como quando algo era um presente para uma criança ou algo que gostaríamos que eles tivessem, é difícil não ser como: “Ah, você está se livrando disso”. Mas a estação de doação é uma zona livre de julgamento. Qualquer pessoa pode colocar algo para doar, mesmo que fosse um presente sem julgamento.

Também o agrupamento por categorias foi realmente útil para mim. Isso é uma coisa que eu acho que a “mágica de mudar a vida de arrumar” foi absolutamente certa, porque você realmente não consegue ver quanto de algo possui, se não vê tudo em um só lugar. E, portanto, meu conselho é reunir todas as mesmas coisas, por exemplo, todas as minhas roupas ou todos os brinquedos das crianças, qualquer que seja. Não faço a coisa toda onde vejo se isso gera alegria, mas ver tudo em um só lugar me ajuda a pensar em 80/20. Então, mantenho 20% dessas coisas e me livrei da maioria das outras.

Como um exemplo prático disso. As categorias que eu meio que usei quando fizemos todo esse processo de minimização. Roupas e armários eram de sua própria categoria. Nosso quarto era uma categoria. Cada um dos quartos das crianças era de sua própria categoria. A cozinha, obviamente, sua própria categoria. Como coisas ao ar livre na garagem era sua própria categoria. E então, como roupas de cama, eram sua própria categoria e a papelada, que era a desgraça da minha existência, também era sua própria categoria.

Para mim, coisas como a sala de aula e itens pessoais, como itens sentimentais, não estão nessa lista, porque não posso reduzir as coisas da escola para 20% quando na verdade compramos apenas as coisas que realmente precisamos para isso. Então agora usamos apenas o armazenamento de roupas para guardar as coisas da escola e tentar minimizar todo o resto. Além disso, para as crianças, eu achei realmente útil tentar minimizar as coisas: definir limites físicos porque eles geralmente são muito concretos e visuais, especialmente em idades jovens. E isso os ajuda a entender os limites de seus pertences de uma maneira positiva e não estressante. Na verdade, eu aprendi essa dica com um amigo que vendeu sua casa, mudou-se para um trailer e viajou, e eles tiveram cinco filhos. E assim, cada criança tinha uma caixa de tamanho muito específico, onde eles tinham que guardar todos os seus brinquedos, e eles podiam trazer o que quisessem, desde que cabesse nessa caixa. E então, tendo esse tipo de ideia, apliquei isso em nossa casa, embora não moremos em um trailer.

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Pudemos aplicar isso: “Você pode escolher todos os brinquedos que quiser e o que quiser guardar. Ele só precisa se encaixar dentro desses limites. ” Assim, por exemplo, pode ser que todos os brinquedos precisem caber em uma caixa de brinquedos ou que, se eles tiverem uma coleção de algo, tudo precisa caber em uma prateleira ou exibição específica ou se forem animais empalhados, meu filho mais novo ama animais empalhados , ela pode ter todos eles, mas eles precisam caber em sua pequena cama para que não estejam em todos os lugares o tempo todo. Isso também é importante e tem sido muito útil para crianças que compartilham quartos. Dessa forma, cada um deles tem sua própria área específica, onde pode ter seus bens pessoais. Você também pode aplicar como: “Este é um espaço privado. Você precisa perguntar ao seu irmão antes de tocar em qualquer coisa que esteja nessa área. ” Pode ser o lado da cama ou na cômoda ou embaixo da cama ou o que quer que seja, mas dessa maneira eles têm seu próprio espaço que parecem ser deles. E isso também o torna muito mais gerenciável.

Dica número seis. Use a mesma idéia para criar sistemas de gerenciamento de tempo. E, na minha opinião, o tempo é realmente a área mais importante para 80/20, porque, assim como nas outras áreas, sinto que 80% do nosso estresse às vezes pode vir de 20% das entradas. E acho que é assim que devemos começar absolutamente com o gerenciamento do tempo. Portanto, identifique as atividades que mais causam estresse para você e descubra como simplificar, automatizar ou se livrar do estresse delas, pelo menos.

Você pode não conseguir se livrar da atividade, mas pode se livrar do estresse causado por ela. E eu vou falar mais sobre isso mais tarde, quando eu chegar às dicas de mentalidade, mas isso é realmente uma das coisas mais importantes. E se você começar com algo, eu começaria com o sistema de gerenciamento de tempo. Por outro lado, acho que é importante identificar os 20% do que precisamos fazer em nosso tempo que traga mais felicidade, e meio que toque um pouco nessa ideia de autocuidado.

Para fazer isso, observe o seu calendário e escreva todas as atividades que você deve realizar em uma determinada semana ou mês, qualquer que seja o período em que você queira enfrentar, especialmente se as coisas estiverem se repetindo semana após semana. Como na minha vida, basta escrevê-las uma vez. Então identifique-os. E é importante encontrar as áreas em que você pode melhorar nas duas direções. Então, basicamente, escreva isso e priorize as coisas que causam mais estresse e as coisas que causam mais bem e, em seguida, 80/20, todas essas áreas, e priorize.

Então, para mim, eram coisas como gerenciamento de tempo, planejamento de refeições e comida, que economizavam muito tempo, lotes e tudo. Portanto, seja checando e-mail, limpando etc., esses são todos em horários muito específicos. Eu descobri as coisas que eu absolutamente tinha que fazer, os 20% que eu não podia deixar de lado, e então eu programei essas coisas. Então eles não eram negociáveis. Eles tiveram um tempo para terminar, mas não precisei me preocupar com eles quando não estavam terminando. Além disso, crie sistemas e envolva outras pessoas quando não precisar ser algo que recaia sobre você.

E gostaria de poder dar muito mais detalhes a isso, mas acho que minha vida cotidiana provavelmente não é nada típica. Portanto, meu sistema pode não ser realmente especificamente útil apenas para entregar a você, mas se você puder trabalhar com seu próprio calendário e descobrir quais são as atividades e os sistemas, as coisas que você precisa, começando por aí e dando a todos um tempo e um lugar e uma área definida realmente ajudará com o estresse mental. Além disso, no gerenciamento de tempo, uma dica sobre isso. Entendo esta regra 80/20 para significar que devemos nos concentrar nos 20% mais importantes antes de fazer qualquer outra coisa nos 80%. Então, eu uso isso para lidar com as coisas mais importantes e eficazes todos os dias. E eu disse que usava meu aplicativo Notes no meu telefone um pouco, mas lá vou colocar as três principais atividades que preciso realizar em um determinado dia, ou pode ser um pouco mais do que isso para obter os 20 melhores % feito. E quando tenho tempo para resolver as coisas, é isso que priorizo ​​primeiro. Portanto, antes de começar a fazer as coisas que não são importantes, vou abordar essas coisas.

Dica número sete, e ressalva, antes mesmo de dizer isso, sei que isso nem sempre é possível em certos estágios da gravidez e da vida do recém-nascido. Mas a dica número sete, priorize implacavelmente o sono, porque essa é uma área que você não pode realmente 80/20. É apenas diretamente com base no tempo. Você não obterá 80% dos seus resultados dormindo 20% do tempo. Isso não funciona. No entanto, acho que você pode usar a ideia disso para melhorar a qualidade do sono, principalmente se estiver acompanhando seu sono. Levei anos de experimentação para descobrir isso para mim. Eu acho que existem algumas semelhanças humanas universais quando se trata de dormir. Então, eu os compartilharei, mas também acho que há valor em rastrear seu próprio sono.

Pessoalmente, faço isso com um anel Oura, e você pode conferir as notas do programa. Tenho um código de desconto que você pode encontrar lá se quiser obter um. Basicamente, é um anel que você usa e tem o modo avião, por isso, se você está preocupado com a EMF. Eu sempre o uso no modo avião. Ele não possui CEM enquanto eu o uso. E então, quando coloco o carregador para carregar, ele entra no modo Bluetooth, sincroniza com o meu telefone e depois volta ao modo avião. O anel Oura rastreia coisas como a qualidade do seu sono, o que foi realmente incrível de ver, porque comecei a perceber as coisas que melhoram o sono e as coisas que realmente atrapalham.

Ele também pode rastrear sua atividade. Ele rastreia a variabilidade da frequência cardíaca, algo sobre o qual já falei aqui antes. Eu acho que é uma métrica muito importante, pois indica sua adaptabilidade geral e seu potencial a longo prazo, como longevidade e todo tipo de coisa. Além disso, ele rastreia muitas outras coisas, temperatura corporal até batimentos cardíacos, batimentos cardíacos em repouso, etc. Portanto, foi realmente útil para mim realmente marcar todas essas coisas. Isso varia um pouco por pessoa, como eu disse, mas acho que os 20% das coisas que fazem a maior diferença para mim e provavelmente têm aplicação universal até certo ponto são coisas como estar na cama às 22h.

E divulgação completa, eu não sou bom nisso. Isso não acontece todas as noites. De fato, isso não acontece quase com a frequência que eu gostaria. Mas quando estou na cama e adormecido às 22h, vejo mudanças drásticas notáveis ​​e imediatas na variabilidade do sono e da frequência cardíaca. E eu sei que isso nem sempre é possível com as crianças, mas sempre que é … E eu também sei como mãe, é essa batalha constante de, você sabe, “As crianças estão na cama. Estou cansado e quero dormir, mas também estou aproveitando esse tempo quieto. ” E eu frequentemente caio nessa. Prefiro ficar acordado e aproveitar o silêncio também. Mas há diferenças mensuráveis ​​no meu sono quando priorizo ​​o sono à noite.

Além disso, duas coisas que ajudaram na minha qualidade de sono que eu bebo quase todas as noites, a menos que esteja em jejum, são o Reishi Elixir da Four Sigmatic, que eu provavelmente ligarei nas notas do programa e a bebida Gold da Organifi. Na verdade, ambos são baseados em reishi e têm outras ervas que ajudam a melhorar a qualidade do sono. E observarei uma melhora de 10% a 15% na maioria das minhas métricas de sono quando as usar. Assim como mencionei antes, não os uso todos os dias porque não uso nada todos os dias. Mas na maioria das noites bebo um ou outro, e também tomo magnésio para ajudar no sono e ver mudanças disso. Mas sou uma das pequenas e estranhas porcentagens da população, na verdade não consigo tomar magnésio à noite. Então tomo magnésio durante o dia e, em seguida, percebo uma diferença no meu sono à noite.

Outra coisa que é drástica e eu noto isso toda vez que estou fora de casa, uso um Chilipad ou um Ooler na minha cama e, novamente, códigos de desconto para aqueles que estão nas notas do programa no wellnessmama.fm. But these are basically devices that have…the part that’s on your bed is not EMFs at all, and I have tested this. But it’s basically a thin pad that goes underneath your sheet but on top of your mattress and that a machine runs cooled water through, or it can actually be any temperature water between 55 degrees and 110 degrees. There’s a lot of data showing that the optimal sleep temperature is somewhere in between 60 and 70 degrees, and it takes a lot of energy to heat or cool our house to get within that range, and so just cooling our bed is much more energy-efficient.

The device itself is far enough away from the bed that it does not have measurable EMF readings when I’m in the bed. And I noticed just…I mean, noticeable without even tracking huge difference in my sleep when I use one of those devices. The Chilipad is the original. It’s less expensive. The Ooler is more expensive but slightly more effective. But again, check out the show notes at wellnessmama.fm for discount on both of those. I wish so much that I had known about those when I was pregnant because that whole pregnancy sweat and like postpartum sweat, I think it would have made a drastic difference. But I noticed a huge difference in sleep from those, and I’ve given those as Christmas presents to many people because I love them so much.

Another thing that makes a noticeable difference, especially over time, this is more cumulative but is sauna use during the day. And I know I’ve talked about sauna use in a couple recent podcasts, so I won’t go deep on all the benefits of that other than to say that the statistics are pretty incredible for a reduction of all-cause mortality, reduction of cardiovascular events, for weight loss, for all kinds of things. And when I sauna during the day, not too close to bedtime, I see sleep improvements, especially over time. Also movement during the day.

I’m not saying exercise. I know that it’s hard often as moms to fit an exercise. Like what’s gonna work for each person is such different here. But when I move in certain ways, I do notice improvements in my sleep. And so the things I typically tend to prioritize are things like just walking, not like intense walking. Just walking for fun makes a big difference. I’ve been doing high-intensity training only a couple times a week. I use the CAR.O.L. bike, but this can be done with sprinting or any kind of like cardio-based device. And that’s really just like a 10-minute thing. So it’s not a long program at all.

And then I just started integrating lifting weights a couple times a week, and that will temporarily reduce my HRV right after it because of the muscle pull or the muscle burn, but then over time, it gets much better. So, those are all kinds of the movements that have worked for me. Again, I think this is very individualized, and so those are the ones that work for me.

And then lastly, one tip for falling asleep more quickly and that I see about like for me usually about an 8-point improvement in my HRV when I do is using 4-7-8 breathing as I fall asleep. This is something I have written about, and I have a post about four sleep tips that actually work and also Dr. Andrew Weil mentioned on this podcast. But the idea is basically that you breathe in for a count of four and hold for a count of seven and then slowly breathe out for a count of eight. And the idea is you are using your breath to remove excess carbon dioxide from the body to calm and get into parasympathetic versus sympathetic nervous system. And it just overall helps.

I also find that when I prioritize sleep logically, I notice the effects in other aspects of life as reduced stress or being more efficient. So this is an area I try as much as possible not to compromise on and to prioritize. And I know that we probably all have that experience of when you don’t get enough sleep how everything seems so much worse and how when you have a great night sleep, you feel almost unstoppable. So, I get it. It’s easier said than done, especially as parents, but when we prioritize sleep, we get much more effective in other aspects of life.

Tip number eight, use the concept of minimum effective dose to fight perfectionism. So, I touched on this a little teeny bit in the 80/20 in the first tip. But to go back to this idea, minimum effective dose basically means identifying the minimum input needed to create the result you want. Often as parents, I think we do a lot more than is needed to get a result because we want our house to look perfect or we feel the pressure to entertain the kids all the time or cook fancy meals or whatever it may be. But minimum effective dose is the idea of doing the smallest amount possible to accomplish what you will need to do.

So as an example, water boils at 212 degrees. Tim Ferriss use this example in his books as he talks about this. Boiling at a higher temperature or longer does not make the water more boiled. It boils at 212, and it boils at any temperature above that. And I use this idea in areas like nutrition and fitness and house management and organization because it helps me battle perfectionism. I think I have a natural tendency towards perfectionism, and it’s not possible as a mom to maintain perfectionism in every area of life. So I try to, when I start falling in that mindset, go back to the idea of minimum effective dose and manage from there.

So, for instance, more working out is not necessarily better. I find that my body does better with less working out but very specific kinds. So I don’t do any type of long cardio whatsoever. I focus on high-intensity interval training or otherwise known as HIIT. And you can look for HIIT studies to see all of the studies about this, but basically, from a VO2 perspective and a cardiovascular perspective, that’s actually more effective than long-term cardio, and it doesn’t have the potential downsides. So there’s a lot of evidence that long-term cardio, especially running, can be really harmful for joints and also just for oxidative damage in the body.

So I do high-intensity interval training instead, minimum effective dose, more is not necessarily better, same thing with resistance and weights. I don’t need to lift weights for an hour a day. Just doing specific ones for a certain amount of time makes a big difference. And then I work in fun stuff, not for exercise, but just for fun. That’s like walking or swimming or paddleboarding and then the occasional intense stuff like pole vaulting just for fun.

I think there’s also an important minimum effective dose when it comes to stress relief or meditation or whatever you do in this area. For me, this means if I can focus on my breath for just 10 minutes a day, that’s my minimum effective dose. More meditating doesn’t actually make me more calm or happy. I’ve learned that from experimentation so that I don’t need to spend an hour a day meditating. I can accomplish that in 10 minutes a day.

So I’ll often use, for instance, tapping apps like The Tapping Solution or specific breathing exercises, or some days, I will use the cold. So I’ll sit in the cold tub for up to 10 minutes usually on 2, 5-minute increments, and that refocuses my mind, and I find my calm. So, this is again gonna be different for every single person, but if you start to analyze and pay attention in your life to what is the smallest amount that I can do to get the same result and stop doing extra stuff, that helps battle that perfectionism.

So, tip number nine, solve for the variable of reduced stress. I told you there’ll be math involved. I apologize in advance if math is not your thing. But what I realized years ago and what I would postulate to you is that it isn’t actually everything we have to get done that causes the stress. It’s knowing all of the stuff that we need to get done and having all of those mental loops open all the time. This is different for each of us, but I’ll share some examples of mine.

In figuring out systems for how to get stuff done, I think this is the variable that you start with because it isn’t always that we actually need to do less. In fact, a lot of times, we need to be able to get more done, although sometimes there may be a need to do less, and that’s something to analyze in each person’s life. But we need to solve…identify for and solve for the variables that are stressing us out the most. So in your life, what does this look like? What are the X and Ys of your stress equation?

Examples. I was trying to manage my whole family of eight in my head and then carrying the emotional and mental responsibility of everything that came with that family and all of those things rather than using the strategies that I had already used in business. So, using a lot of the things I’ve already talked about in this podcast and a few more that I’m still gonna cover, I started focusing on, “How can I reduce stress in this area and whatever it was, whether it was meal planning, whether it was work, whether it was kids?” And I solved for that variable. Now I’m able to actually do the same amount of stuff and actually probably get more done without the stress.

And, of course, 80/20 kind of plays into this as well being more efficient, more effective, the minimum effective dose, doing just what’s required and not overachieving in every single area. But to start to solve for this if this is a new concept for you, I would suggest making a list of all of the things that stress you out the most and then detail specifically under each one what makes things more stressful. And you may find like I did that it isn’t, for instance, cooking that causes the stress, is the constant need to figure out what to cook. It’s that 4 p.m. like, “Oh, my gosh, everything’s frozen. What am I gonna cook for dinner? I need to defrost something or finding the ingredients or cooking something and then family members not like it or complaining about it.” Those are all variables we can solve for.

I actually realized I liked the cooking a lot, and if I could solve for those other variables by planning ahead, knowing what was gonna be cooked, batch cooking and then cooking only meals that were nutrient-dense and that we all liked, I could pretty much solve for all of those variables. I’ll put some more specifics of that in the show notes at wellnessmama.fm. Another example, it may not be the actual laundry that causes the stress but the constant clutter related to the laundry or remembering to do it or forgetting the clothes in the washer and then smelling like mildew, or not having certain clothing when it’s needed and it’s sports time and a kid doesn’t have a jersey. We can solve for those variables as well.

Like I mentioned, you as a mom don’t necessarily need to do all the laundry, especially when your kids reach a certain age. For my kids, that’s about four to five. They’re able to handle their own laundry. Then it’s the conscious effort of stopping carrying the emotional responsibility. In fact letting them carry it because truly if they make it…if they show up at soccer practice in a dirty jersey that smells like sweat because they didn’t clean it, maybe they will learn that lesson. Whatever it may be, it’s finding what’s causing you the friction point, what’s causing you the stress and then solving for that.

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So it might not be our kids causing stress but the constant questions from them not knowing the schedule or for them being bored. And we can solve for those two. We can create a family culture that avoids boredom. We can have a schedule that they know so they know when things are gonna happen and be prepared. There’s ways to actually take into account a lot of these variables. So make this list for yourself.

And then also I found it helpful to write out what a perfect scenario looks like in each of those areas when I wouldn’t be stressed. So, when the food was handled, what does that look like? When the laundry was handled, what did that look like? When the kids were all happy and not bored and integrated, what did that look like? And in some cases, solving for these variables could mean reducing. So for instance, if here kids are doing a ton of activities each week, and your stress is caused by the constant go-go-go-go and being a chauffeur and running them around, then maybe part of the answer is to reduce activities or to just focus on the 20% that they enjoy the most. If it comes from clutter around the house, it may be important to de-clutter, but often a lot of the stress can be solved with just systems. And so again, it’ll be different for each of us. I hope that my examples were somewhat helpful.

But also from a scheduling perspective, if you can define a time and a place for each activity and item, then you can take away its mental stress. So, for me, this meant when laundry was gonna happen at a certain time each day or each week, then I didn’t have to worry about it when it wasn’t going to happen. When I knew the meal plan for the next three months, I don’t have to spend any energy thinking about that. So find those things that are causing you the most stress and then solve for those first. The variables are different for each people…for each person, but the systems can be kind of universally applicable, and once you find yours, it gets a lot easier.

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Tip number 10, get the family involved. So if you have kids, chances are they are probably part of the reason you have so much on your plate. With the goal of raising functioning adult humans and not perpetual children, it is I feel not just important but like actually vital to get the kids involved in the day-to-day operations of the house and the family, so they can learn life skills. And when we send them off into the world, they have those life skills. This has the benefit if we do it the right way of reducing stress for us as parents. And I touched on this in a couple of the other points about how natural consequences and kids being able to handle a lot of stuff.

But a few specifics just related to this, getting the family involved in creating this team mentality and culture. First rule…I’ve mentioned this a little bit before, but I’m gonna go deeper here. Stop doing what they can do for themselves. And, yes, there will always be exceptions to this, and, yes, I know that there may be times when I wanna spend time with my kids, I do something that they can do. But in general, universally, I have a rule that I won’t do something for my kids that they can do themselves. I know that as parents, we can do it right, or we can do it better, and it’s easier especially when they’re young. But this is part of the reason we are so stressed is because we do. We do it because we can do it right or better.

I know as a new mom, I used to think about this. I did a lot more for my children because it was easier. It was objectively easier for me to load the dishwasher than teach them how to load the dishwasher. With my first child and even with the second arrived, I still actually could do everything for everyone, so I did. And in some ways, it was easier just to do it all. It was easier to get them dressed than let them take forever and end up in a mismatched outfit.

But as I had more kids and as more was added to my plate, I realized this wasn’t a sustainable model. And I say this quite a bit and people are like, “Oh, my gosh, six kids. How do you get it all done?” I’m like, “Actually, I think having more kids has protected me and kind of saved me from a lot of the pitfalls I would have fallen into.” Because it came to a point where it was not possible to do everything for everyone anymore, and so I had to get them involved. And I can’t spend too much time with any one kid or spoil them or do everything for them because it’s just there aren’t enough hours in the day.

But more importantly than that, I’m glad that I had that realization because, as I mentioned, the goal is to raise adults, not adult-sized children. So, while it wasn’t a big deal objectively for me to do the dishes and the laundry for them at a young age, it would be at some point. And so I had to figure out when would be the best time to teach them these skills and get them involved, and I realized there’s only actually one logical answer to this question that makes sense across the board. And that is we should get them involved and require this of them as soon as they’re capable of doing these things on their own if the goal is to raise responsible adults.

So I realized for me that I was doing a lot of things for my kids that they could be doing on their own, and not only was this extra stress and burden for me, it wasn’t helping them in the long run anymore either. So I decided to give my kids more freedom by giving them the opportunity to learn these skills that they needed to function on their own and to feel the consequences of them when they didn’t. And I think that, of course, every child is different, every family is different, and ability and maturity vary from child to child. Even within my own kids, I see that. Some of my kids have taken on certain jobs much earlier than others. But often, they have surprised me in how quickly and easily they could take on these things and how well they could execute even at a younger age than I expected. So, I will link in the show notes just some general guidelines I’ve used of at what age they take over which activities.

But for instance, one of my daughters learned to do her own laundry when she was four. She’s been doing it ever since. So I think we often underestimate just how amazing and capable they are. But also just to reiterate when people ask how I get it all done and what the secret is, the secret is that I don’t. We do it together. We’re all part of a team. And they are involved and they very much contribute to the family. So actually, that’s tip number 11 too is to foster a team mentality and family culture. As I started changing that with my kids and started letting go of tasks that my children were capable of, another amazing thing happened. It fostered a team mentality in our family, and they now feel great about really contributing to our family because they actually do. Their contributions are important. The things they do around the house actually matter, and they are very much part of this team.

And certainly, in that transition, I had some moments of weakness where I try to just take things back over. But now this is part of our culture, and they get to really feel like they’re important to the family, and they actually are very important to the family. I realized at this point when I was making this switch, that there are many correlations between business teams and family. And I had mastered one in business, but until that point, I had not transferred those skills to the other. So, people think I have it all together and like I just get it all done. I talk about how years ago when I was really stressed and before I kind of put all of these things I’m talking about today in place, I think I realistically came very close to a nervous breakdown.

I had an amazing team at Wellness Mama to rely on, and things were running great. We had goals and systems that helped the business run really smoothly, and I didn’t usually feel very stressed in my work life. But at home, I was trying to manage everything, like I mentioned, on my own in my head. And unlike my business systems, I was flying by the seat of my pants, and I felt the stress as a result. So, this shift of everyone in our house being able to do the task they were capable of and to build that team culture was life-changing.

On the other hand, when I was handling everything myself and I was problem-solving for my kids, I was essentially sending my kids the message that they weren’t capable of doing those things on their own. So I was worried that I was gonna burden them if I required them to do these things, but really, I was treating them like long-term incapable guests in my home and not as an essential part of our family team. And now that they know that they’re involved and they feel like their contributions really matter because they do, this has strengthened our family bond and culture and led to less stress and more time together and things like you might have heard me mentioned before, our motto, you were made to do hard things, or our focus on constantly improving and learning and moving things forward. So, that team mentality has been really amazing for us.

Tip number 12. Rely on natural consequences versus nagging. And I mentioned this earlier in passing, but I think it deserves actually its own point because the other great part of this approach to handing off skills is the built-in use of natural consequences. Like I said, for me, when my kids handled their own laundry, they run out of clean clothes, guess what? They learn the importance of doing their laundry. I don’t hold on to the stress and the emotional responsibility anymore or worry about what will happen if they don’t get it done because it’s not my responsibility.

And other examples, my kids are homeschooled, but when we travel or whatever it may be, they are capable of making their own school lunches. They’re capable of doing most of their school work on their own. If they forget either of those things, rather than me rescuing them, kids get to learn from temporary hunger or a bad grade to remember these things in the future. And I know as parents, we wanna protect them from those hardships, but long-term, there’s not gonna be someone in their life to protect them from those hardships. So, I figure it’s much better to let them learn on a smaller scale in these relatively inconsequential things like being hungry for one meal than when they’re adults. And don’t get me wrong. I get the desire to protect our kids from discomfort, but the discomfort of natural consequences can have that long-term benefit. So these are things that we hold on to the stress and responsibility of and try to protect them from but we don’t need to. And in fact, it might actually be hurting our kids.

So, here’s what I realized. When I started looking at the data on this, it was really staggering. And the statistics are that one in four college-aged students and college graduates still live at home, one in four. Psychologists talk about there’s an increasing number of adults who have trouble actually making this shift into adult life outside of their parents. And it turns out, when we look at long-term data, our kids are happier, in the long run, the earlier they learn independence. The research shows that children who have really involved parents actually can have more anxiety and less satisfaction with life than children who are allowed to learn from natural consequences and play unsupervised and build things like social skills and emotional maturity and executive function in real-life situations versus being managed by adults.

So as much as some days I wish I could just freeze time and keep my kids little and like baby age forever, they are insistent on growing up, and they need to be prepared for adult life. And as adults, we face natural consequences all the time. That’s when I really realized I had to make a switch here. No one’s protecting me from these adult…from natural consequences as an adult. And I’ve explained this to my kids. If I drive too fast, I can get a ticket. If I forget to pay a bill, the electricity can get shut down. There’s no one who’s gonna like leap in and rescue me. That’s not how life works. And they needed to be able to learn this on a small scale before the stakes were quite so high.

Like I said, natural consequences are a very much a fact of life, and in my opinion, we need to give our kids the gift of being able to learn these baby steps from a young age. So this is not a thing you’ve done, which wasn’t for me in the beginning. I kind of tried to develop a system for implementing this without creating mutiny, because if your kids aren’t used to doing all this stuff on their own and then one day you just decide they’re gonna do everything on their own, you might have mutiny in your house.

So, when I decided to stop doing things they could do on their own, I realized it wasn’t gonna happen overnight and there was probably going to be some resistance. I thought about like…during this phase, there’s a quote I saw on Pinterest that said “Some moms run a tight ship. I run a pirate ship. There’s some swearing, some drinking and a touch of mutiny from the crew I created.” And I was trying to minimize the mutiny, but I needed a process for making the transition easier. And I created a system for this. I’ll put a link to a post with more detail in the show notes. But it was a four check handoff that was really helpful in handing things off to them, making sure they were prepared to actually do it. So in order for this method to work, I had to give them the skills to be able to actually be effective at the thing I was requiring them to do, so I wasn’t just giving them failure right off the bat.

So the four steps were, first was do it for them, and I had already done that. I was pretty good at it. But I let them watch, and I had them do…like watch me do it at first, and I explained the process. Second, I would do it with them. So, we would work on it together, and they could learn and they could ask questions. Third, I would oversee them. So the first couple of times, they unloaded the dishwasher, or they vacuumed. I would stay close and watch them, and they could ask questions, and I would give them constructive feedback. And then once they had been through those steps, I let it go. So they had a plan, they knew what the task was, and it became their responsibility. And I would still check in occasionally to make sure they were doing it well, but through that, I was able to hand off a lot of household tasks and let go of the guilt of feeling like I was solely responsible for managing the house and let them really actually become part of that process as well.

Number 13. Let go of perfection. Again, easier said than done. But one of the main reasons I was holding on to doing everything is I thought I was better at it, and I didn’t want it to be done the wrong way. And it took some self-reflection and realizing that it was better to have things get done even imperfectly through shared responsibility and through teaching my kids valuable life skills than to do it myself and be stressed all the time and be a resentful mom or a stressed-out mom or a tired mom but with kids who were dressed perfectly and like didn’t have to do anything.

I learned this in business years ago actually the hard way because I was a control freak, and I say that I’m a recovering control freak and recovering perfectionist. But I went through a phase of hiring people and not letting them do anything because I thought I could do it better, and I had to learn the hard way in business that everything got much more amazing and less stressful when I started actually integrating my team for what I hired them. So when I realized I could do each of these tasks better on my own, I certainly couldn’t do all of them better if I was doing everything. That’s the case in business, and that’s certainly the case in…at home as well.

The same was true at home. I could definitely do each task better than my child could, at least at first, but at the expense of them having a calm and happy mom and at the expense of them learning independence. So, yes, a few pieces of clothing were ruined in the making of this process with some stains, but long term, this was so worth it. And I now have extremely capable kids who are extremely self-sufficient. And a lot of people who I know in real life mention this all the time, how incredibly self-sufficient my kids are, which was my goal. And that way, things around the house are getting done.

And when I spend time with my kids, I am much more calm and present. They’re much more calm and present and we get to actually nurture that relationship versus me constantly running around my head chopped off doing everything. But this also meant learning to give practical feedback on the process and telling them I was proud of them for working hard, always praising the effort, and then giving constructive feedback so they could get better and better over time.

I’ve read a lot of business books about this, kind of the idea of growth mindset and so some just practical tips that helped with this for me for getting them to want to be motivated and actually to do these things and to give feedback without hurting their feelings is to focus on a long-term positive mindset. I didn’t expect or want them to get it all right all right away. The point is to get better step-by-step. So finding the things that they did good, finding and complimenting the effort and what that was and then giving baby steps to get better each time. And that was built into our team culture and our family of constant improvement. And that way, they wouldn’t take it personally or feel like I was nagging them when I gave feedback. And also we add the word “yet.”

So when they are learning something and they’re not good at it, or I do this too when I’m learning a new skill and I’m not good at it, any time we say we’re not good at something, we always add the word “yet” at the end of the sentence, leaving the thing open that we’re going to get better at it. And also reminding my kids that when something is hard, that is the feeling of a skill…of growing, of getting better, that that resistance is often the friction leading to a positive change, so not avoiding things when things get hard, and just always like phrasing these things as areas of growth versus things that they had to do.

Tip number 14. Cultivate unstructured play and stop entertaining. And this is another area that I had to learn to make some major changes in. I think modern moms, we feel the pressure to structure and oversee every moment of our kids’ lives, and I know I did. When my kids were younger, it was a big source of stress for a long time. I didn’t actually even know where this feeling was coming from, but I felt like I should be entertaining them, playing with them, and making sure they were interacted with every moment of every day.

Everything I’ve talked about over the years, this is now one of the topics that I feel the most strongly about because I think the way we are protecting our kids is actually doing them a severe disservice in life. And the stress of that is really hard on us parents as well. So, I would kind of posit these points that are important to remember because I think unstructured play outside is one of the best things we can do for the kids. And I’ve had guests on this podcast who talked about that from a vestibular and limbic system perspective, how they need it to develop risk tolerance and to know their boundaries and also even just that outdoor like movement and running and climbing and how that develops the brain. And a lot of parents still have resistance to that. So there’s a few important points to know about this.

Statistically and drastically, the world is safer than when we were kids. We had this idea because of the news cycle and constant negativity everywhere that the world is not that safe, but the world is statistically safer than when we were kids. Secondly, supervising kids at all times does not necessarily keep them safe either. Kids can have bad things happen even when we’re watching them. Number three, there are long-term negative consequences to over structuring and overprotecting, and we are starting to see the results of this in the generation that’s now reaching adulthood. And psychiatrists are worried about this. And four, these over structured, hectic schedules are actually damaging. It can be damaging to families and create more problems. And I’ve talked about the stress of those for moms in other parts of this podcast.

So when I talk about the world being safer, I’m not just talking about that kids are less likely to die of childhood illness from previous centuries because I think that’s the default. People try to think, “Well, yeah, the world is safer because medicine’s gotten better so kids are less likely to die from all-cause mortality.” And that is somewhat true, but it is statistically also safer for kids today than it ever has been in recorded history. Kids are less likely to die or be kidnapped by…die in an accident or be kidnapped than they ever have before. So despite the fear-mongering in the media, children are less likely to be abducted, harmed, or murdered than ever before. Not only that but kids need unstructured, free play outside for vital aspects of their development.

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As I mentioned earlier in this podcast, we won’t always be there to protect our kids nor should we be. And I’ve talked to a lot of friends who are teachers, all the way from grade school through college professors, and they’re saying kids are increasingly unable to solve simple problems on their own because parents intervene for everything from grades to discipline problems in school because the stakes feel so high now. And parents are even intervening in like small children having just disputes outside when they’re playing, but the result psychologically is a generation of children who still basically need their parents to decorate their dorm room or manage their life or pay their bills. And personally, I don’t want six grown-ups who’s needing me to do all that for their entire lives.

I totally get that we wanna keep our kids safe and protected, but there’s a point when we have to start letting go of some of these things for their health. So thinking about this, there’s extremely tiny chance that something bad’s gonna happen to our children if they’re playing outside. In fact, statistically, if I’m remembering off the top of my head, I think that the number was like kids would have to play outside by themselves in our front yard for 750,000 years on average to actually get kidnapped. That’s how rare it is. But on the converse of that, there’s a 0% chance of children developing any street smarts by sitting on the couch watching TV. Kids aren’t learning problem-solving or creativity by being protected from uncomfortable situations or having their conflicts solved for them.

And so like I look at this, again, a little bit mathematically of like…the pros and the cons and also mathematically, which is the risk-benefit? Where do the numbers fall? We know that kids are on technology more and more, much more so than make sure they’re playing on screens more than they ever have, and they’re spending more time inside than they ever have. In fact, even in one generation, statistically, kids today spend less than half the time outside than I did as kids, and we spent more time…less time outside than our parents did. Kids also spend over 50% of their time more looking at screens than they do playing outside.

So, strictly logically, I think this is important because sitting and watching a screen is a sedentary activity. We know childhood obesity is on the rise. But eye doctors, I’ve interviewed a couple, are seeing vision problems in children at very young ages because of staring at screens for too long. And the blue light of screens are affecting our kids’ brains and circadian rhythms, but yet a lot of parents feel it’s safer to let our kids watch TV or be on their iPad than to climb a tree or ride a bike, even though climbing a tree, riding a bike, those actually both are important things for developing their right-brain, left-brain for their vestibular system. I did a podcast with Carol of Brain Harmony actually a couple if you wanna check those out of why those things are so important.

Also, I often hear the thing about what about kids and sex trafficking. Just statistically, kids are actually way more likely to be targeted on social media and then later abducted than they are to be grabbed by a random stranger on the street. So this is our area of concern. We actually should be keeping them safe online or keeping them off of technology and not worrying about them playing in the backyard. Kids being outside actually serves also a much more important purpose than just them running around and reducing the risk of obesity, which is huge, but they’re getting fresh air.

So, I’ve talked about before how indoor air is often hundreds of times more polluted than the outdoor air. So being outside is a great way for them to get some clean air. Also, just a few minutes outside every day, kids can get the vitamin D they need for many aspects of help that is statistically tied to reduced cancer risk, to decreased mental health problems, to absorption of other vitamins, to better sleep. It’s really super important. Also, them being outside, they’re exposed to natural light. Outdoor light is so much brighter than inner light. I mentioned this with why I go outside in the morning every morning, but daytime light exposure, especially in the morning, helps regulate hormones, cortisol, and circadian rhythm. And there are studies especially on children that this can really improve sleep. So our kids need to be outside for the light.

Also, for the sensory input. So I mentioned Carol from Brain Harmony. She’s an occupational therapist, who is helping correct a lot of these problems in kids. And she mentions how important like all the normal outside activities are for babies in a lot of ways. So we keep babies upright from the very beginning in high chairs, cribs, playpens. They’re not rolling around, moving around. They’re not developing their vestibular system like they should be. They’re not outside playing in the dirt, so they’re not getting the microbial or the sensory input from the grass or from crawling or from falling down, which is actually a very important part of brain development. And what they’re seeing over time is that when kids don’t get these inputs, they get more anxiety, they’re less creative, and they have more problems as older kids when they don’t do these things.

So, the lack of vestibular system development is also leading kids to be clumsier, not have as much balance and maybe tied to sensory issues. So, all that to say kids need unstructured play, and they need it outside. And I also think it needs to be unsupervised when it can be. Here’s why. So, like I said, we’re not letting kids have control of their own lives and figure out how to navigate these things psychologically. Think about when you were a kid, the things that pushed you just beyond your comfort zone, when you were super scared of taking that job or you were climbing a tree and it got scarier. You didn’t think you could do it, and then you did, or the first time you rode a bike or climbed a rope or whatever it was. That’s an important feeling of accomplishment for kids, and it teaches them to tackle bigger goals. But we’re protecting kids from having these experiences, which makes them more afraid to tackle bigger things later in life.

And another benefit of that unstructured play is that we’re not there to rescue them every time they get their feelings hurt. And I know this is hard. As a parent, it’s so hard to see your kids get their feelings hurt. None of them like to see them feel bad but they learn so much from these experiences. And in having their feelings hurt or having rough interactions with other kids their age, they learn important lessons like, “Not everyone in the world has the same opinion as me, but I can still get along with people who have a different opinion than I do.” And we’ve probably all met adults who might need to learn that lesson too. They learn things like, “If I’m mean to other kids, they won’t wanna play with me. And also they don’t have to play with me.” And that’s an important thing that kids need to understand when the stakes are small, kids, before they’re in a job setting, and they’re not getting along with coworkers or their boss, they learn things like, “I don’t always get to play what I want or choose the activity all the time,” that group activities require compromise. Again, another huge life skill as an adult and they learn things like that.

Relationships require the ability to work through conflict and to find compromise and that it’s worth it. But when we jump in and we facilitate this kind of intensive mediation for every minor infraction, like talk about our feelings and work them through it, they don’t get to figure out how to work those things through on their own. So, I think our overabundance of extracurricular activities and our over-involvement with our kids take away these important things that are needed for childhood development. So that’s why I’m a huge fan of unstructured outdoor playtime for kids, and I know that it can be hard.

This is one of the things I prioritize the most in life, and like we actually ended up not building a house we really wanted to build because we had an environment where our kids had this. And that was so important to us. And having this leads to healthier and happier kids, and like I’ve mentioned all these psychological benefits of doing that. It’s also great for moms because then we are free of feeling like we need to entertain them at all times. We’re not being bad moms by letting them play outside on their own. That’s actually very, very important for them, and they will learn. Like, my kids build forts. They’ve worked through things with friends. They’ve created all these games. They play outside constantly. They’re getting exercise. They’re getting all the benefits of outdoor play, and they’re getting the social benefits of working through those things. It’s a little bit of a rant on the soapbox there.

Tip number 15. Master your work life. Again, this is another tough area, and it’s so different for each of us. So I’m just gonna share some kind of broad, general strategies from my own experience. My work life is extremely probably abnormal. I don’t think anything’s gonna be directly applicable, so I’m just gonna share some generalities. As a mom, though, I’ve never liked this idea of work-life balance because there’s often no separation. Even at work, we’re still thinking about our kids. Even when we’re home, we know that there’s stuff we need to do at work. We are inherent multitaskers. So, balance is not just a moving target. It’s more of a complete myth for moms.

I prefer to think of it work-life integration because we have to operate so many systems at once, all the gears need to turn in the same direction at the same time to keep things moving forward. So, I analyze work in the same type of way that I analyze home stuff, and I make sure that they all integrate well. Me personally, I work from home most days, but I also homeschool and run the household. And though I’m grateful to have grandparents close by who help with school and have an assistant who helps with some business stuff, a lot of it is still up to me. And I realized that as humans, we will fill whatever time slot we give ourselves. So since I had the freedom to largely set my schedule, I had to keep this in mind and plan as such.

I realized that I realistically only had about two to three hours a day of real work time and that I was more effective, much more effective when that time was uninterrupted in a block together. So I started scheduling this when I knew that my kids could be occupied with other tasks like school or when they’re outside playing, and I only tackle the most important work stuff during that time. So in other words, when I only have two hours to get stuff done, I can get the same amount that I used to get done in eight hours done because I’m not checking email. I’m not on social media. I’m doing the most effective things that I have to do first.

I also batch whenever possible. So there are things on my list, like, again, my work schedule’s not normal, but like podcast recording and writing, I will often stick to one type of activity like that per day and then batch it. So I will record several podcasts in a row or do a writing day. That way my brain can stay on task and tackle those tasks better. I have employed a lot of the strategies above that I talked about in this podcast to make time for work by systematizing stuff I had to get done at home, by making sure my kids had time to play outside or stuff to work on so that I could be uninterrupted the rest of the time.

But like I said, my work is pretty unusual. I don’t have a normal job with set hours. So, I’m not sure my specific system would be helpful, but a couple things that I think are universally applicable would be only check email at certain times. Don’t even have it notify you the rest of the time and handling all of them at once. So I have short 20 minutes segments when I check email and Slack, and I don’t check it the rest of the time. I also think it’s really beneficial to have systems and standard operating procedures for everything, both at home and at work. This way I can delegate when needed, and it takes all the memory and stress out of it.

And then tip number 16 is to master your mind. And this may be the toughest step, but for me, this has been…it’s made the biggest difference. It took the longest and I’m still very much a work in progress. But you might have heard that joking quote online, “It’s like no one even appreciates that I stayed up all night worrying about them.” But the mom guilt is real, and the worry is real. And I think this is something that all of us face to some degree. This was also the last one I was able to tackle effectively. My house was managed, we had systems, we had minimized, I had systems for my kitchen, for work, but cleaning out my mind was the toughest step in it. Like I said, it’s still a work in progress.

To me, it goes back to the quote from Seneca, “There’s only one way to happiness, and that is to cease worrying about things that are beyond the power of our will.” And there’s a lot in that one sentence. It’s easy to say, it’s incredibly tough to do, but it’s also so freeing if you can do it. And it’s definitely not a change you can make overnight. In this one I had like over time, it took me probably a year before I actually noticed a really drastic change in this.

It’s actually easier to think of the things that are in our control than to list the things that are not in our control. And if we boil it down, the only thing we really have control over is our own character and our own response to things that happen. We can’t control anything else. There’s another quote from Epictetus, who I think this also really applies to moms, is that man is not worried by real problems so much as by his imagined anxieties about real problems.

And this idea that we only are in charge of our own reactions and our own will is wonderful because it gives us control. But it’s also a big responsibility when we realize that all emotions and all stress comes from within because it’s so easy to wanna look for an outside source to blame. But outside forces don’t and can’t control our feelings. So knowing this releases us from a lot of stress when we pay attention to it and manage it. We can’t control how others feel about us. So we have to learn how to let that go. We can’t control the actions of others, even our kids. So we have to let that go. We can’t control or change the past. So we have to let that go.

We can’t control or change the weather or the possibility of some horrific event or any other outside factor. All we can control are our own thoughts and emotions, and we can gain incredible freedom when we really focus on that. Again, I get it, easier said than done. Like I said, this took the longest, but some practical things that really helped me.

Every single day, focusing on gratitude. So I love to start each day thinking of things I am grateful for, and I think, in general, gratitude is the antidote to a lot of worry and stress. And so I actually make a list of these things either in my phone or in a journal, just jotting down a few things over time that’s helped my brain switch into looking for the good versus looking for the negative. And once your brain makes that switch, all of this gets so much easier.

I think it’s also important to find the things that reduce stress physically because when we’re under physical stress, mentally, we stress much more as well. Like the things I’ve talked about earlier in this podcast, when I was able to optimize exercise and sleep and supplements, that made a difference for my mindset as well.

Also, learning to distinguish the difference between problem-solving and worrying. So I started paying attention and asking myself if a certain thought pattern was productive and was gonna lead to a good outcome which is problem-solving or if I was just worrying. And if I was just worrying and this thought process was not gonna actually lead to solving the problem, then I would interrupt it. I would do something that I needed to do to change it to stop that train of thought. I would either read something else to change my thoughts, go move, go outside, and come back with a fresh perspective. That way I wasn’t wasting mental energy if I wasn’t gonna solve a problem and it was just gonna make me stressed.

And then I also learned to do something called fear-setting, which Tim Ferriss talks about, and then let go. So rather than worry about all the bad things that could happen, I would actually think them through to their worst-case scenario and then think about what would happen if I had to face that. So, in many cases, the worst-case scenario wasn’t actually that bad, and I would be able to manage it just fine. And certainly, there are things that would be like much more difficult and seem unsurmountable like the loss of a loved one or some kind of huge disaster. But I knew I couldn’t control those things and that worrying about them wasn’t going to stop them from happening.

So I went back to focusing on gratitude and being present with the people I loved in the moment. Like I said, this is still a daily work in progress for me, but over time, my mindset has so much shifted from focusing on the negative to trying to focus on the positive. And I’m able to let go of the things that are not in my control, and I’m so much less mentally stressed.

And then lastly, tip number 17. All of this points toward finding your own way and taking baby steps. And if I’ve learned one thing in the last 13 years of motherhood and in this process, it’s that what works for one person won’t always work the same for another. It took me years to find my own versions of all of these things. And I’ve shared specifics in the hopes that they will help you. But at the end of the day, we each have to create our own systems based on our own schedules, our own lives, and things that would work.

So I would say based on my experience, start with small, little baby steps that are manageable and that you know you can integrate over time and integrate them before you add more things on. So rather than try to overhaul your entire life in one day, start with you find those 80/20, find the 20% most effective and start there. Make sure that you’re getting enough sleep. If meals and food is a big stress, start with that. If it’s laundry, figure out the thing that’s gonna take away the most stress from you and start there.

I also think, and you hear me say this all the time, but that community is a huge aspect of any change. So find a group of friends or support and have that. That’ll help your mental state, that’ll help your stress level, and that will also help you stick to this if you have accountability. I’ve heard it said that we are the sum of the five people we spend the most time with. So I think we need to choose these people wisely and then nurture relationships that help us become better and that we can help them become better as well. So I hope that some of the things in that were helpful.

As always, thank you for listening. If you have any follow-up questions, please post them in the show notes. That’s always at wellnessmama.fm. I will try to answer them. And this is a topic I’m going to be writing about more and more and talking about more on this podcast. So if you enjoyed, just leave questions there, and I will try to address any follow up ones in future episodes. Also, if you enjoyed this episode or any episode, I would be very grateful if you would leave an honest rating or review in whatever app you use to listen, whether that’s iTunes, Spotify, etc. This helps others to find the podcast and it helps with rankings. But as always, thank you so much for listening, for sharing your time with me today, and I hope that you will join me again on the next episode of the “Wellness Mama Podcast.”

If you’re enjoying these interviews, would you please take two minutes to leave a rating or review on iTunes for me? Doing this helps more people to find the podcast, which means even more moms and families could benefit from the information. I really appreciate your time, and thanks as always for listening.

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